weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
