first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
