so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
