hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
