bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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