Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
