I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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