Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
