i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
