Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
