i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize