Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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