I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
