At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
