I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
