Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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