Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
