Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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