I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
