I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
