I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
how drunk are you?
Several
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
