I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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