"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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