i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
