there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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