I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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