first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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