Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
