I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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