Who did Billy Mays play for?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
