We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
