so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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