i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
