oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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