you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
