Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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