Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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