Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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