I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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