Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
