Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize