If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
