i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
