Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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