Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
