I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
