Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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