yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
