walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
