I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
