You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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