Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
