Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Panties = found
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
