Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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