everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize