I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
