I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
