For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
