Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
