sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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