I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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