69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
