My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
