I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
