I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
