Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
