So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
