I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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