Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
